Stefan Stenudd
Stefan Stenudd
About me
I'm a Swedish writer of fiction and non-fiction books in both Swedish and English. I'm also an artist, a historian of ideas and an aikido instructor.


All's End


Chapter One



Video recitals

My books

Fabulous fiction


My publisher


Swedish writing

Cosmos of the Ancients, by Stefan Stenudd.

Cosmos of the Ancients
The Greek philosophers and what they thought about cosmology, myth, and the gods, by Stefan Stenudd. Click the image to see the book at Amazon.

Tao Te Ching - The Taoism of Lao Tzu Explained, by Stefan Stenudd.
Tao Te Ching
The Taoism of Lao Tzu Explained. The great Chinese classic, translated and extensively commented by Stefan Stenudd. Click the image to see the book at Amazon.

Life Energy Encyclopedia, by Stefan Stenudd.
Life Energy Encyclopedia
by Stefan Stenudd. Qi, prana, spirit, and other life forces around the world explained and compared. Click the image to see the book at Amazon.

Stenudd's Blog

Occasionally I Contemplate Murder, by Stefan Stenudd.

Occasionally I Contemplate Murder 7

The complete book online

A young friend of mine had another way of treating his life disrespectfully.

At the age of eighteen, he had a baby with his equally young girlfriend. He was mighty proud and fully prepared to dedicate the rest of his years to the well-being of this child.

It seems his girlfriend had other plans. She threw him out of their apartment, suddenly indifferent to his love and care.

A few weeks after that, the baby died.

For no apparent medical reason. Although rarely, such things do happen. Voluntary death, they call it. The kid just let go of its life, and the doctors could do nothing to retrieve it.

That's when my friend lost his respect for life.

He fell into a depression. A strange kind of depression, in such a way that he was always able to talk about it.

He spoke ironically, almost self-mockingly, about how sad his life had become, how impossible it was for him to feel happy. No hope. And he smiled while telling me.

It became as casual as any conventional greeting:

How are you today? Just rotten, thank you.

Of course it bothered me, but the fact that he readily talked about it, made consoling him much more difficult than had he not. What to say to somebody who knows all too well what's wrong?

That's life.

Increasingly, he showed signs of treating life the same way his infant son had done - letting it go.

He drank some, hung around some, and nothing happened. Now and then, he made halfhearted approaches to girls his age, but soon retreated. He would not let life get a firm grip on him again, wouldn't let anything tempt him into a renewed enthusiasm.

He began mistreating his body in such a way that he stumbled around even when only mildly drunk. Never watching his step, not showing the least care for his own person.

He rapidly became what is called accident-prone. Soon enough, the accident arrived.

At a party, when he opened the window to throw some beer up, he lost his balance and fell.

The apartment was three stories up. My young friend hit the ground - not hard enough to die, but enough to become severely crippled for the rest of his life. He can still show his broad grin, but not much more of the body obeys him.

Yet, he keeps on making jokes about it all.

I wonder why he didn't die. Didn't he want to, was he too ambiguous about it?

Somehow, I get the feeling that he crippled his body to this extent, just to disable it as a tool for suicide, were he ever to succumb to that wish.

Yes, maybe that's it. Maybe he never seriously considered suicide, deep inside, but was so wary of the risk of one day reconsidering, this was his method of preventing it.

Disarming himself.

Well, it worked. Not only has he made it next to impossible to execute the necessary steps for committing suicide, but he's also found immediate problems to occupy his mind.

It's not happiness, I guess. Still, it works pretty well, so far.

That's life.

J esus, the very prophet to insist on walking straight to Golgotha, although very well aware of the outcome - should not he find it in his heart to tolerate suicide? Even to respect it.

It's a thing to pity. But to punish?

On the other hand, looking at it from the viewpoint of the Gods, I can see the reason for their intolerance. To them, suicide is nothing but murder.

Of course it is. If we're all a Creator God's handicrafts, and He is our father, then we're killing children of His, even if it is ourselves.

To Him, it really makes no difference whose hand performs the stabbing - a life of His creation is taken.

Yes, our free will, the conscious mind, is something else than the living body, one must admit. If not altogether expelled from the bosom of our Creator God, the conscious mind is a bit separated from it.

By the same line of reasoning the body is not.

Therefore, strictly speaking, in so-called suicide, a stranger is forcing his will upon the innocent body, the God child, who has no say in it.

One must admit, no matter how decided the conscious mind is to commit suicide, the body never agrees.

So, in the perspective of a Creator God, it is a murder, like any other.

God is firm. Don't mess with His children.

I would appreciate His concern more, though, if He could be just a trifle preventive. That's no more than any other parent tries to be.

Oh, Mighty One - where are you when we really need you?

Coming to think of it - where are you?


How to get the book

If you want to buy the book, you can do so at most international web based bookstores, such as Amazon and the like. Here are links to the book on Amazon US and Amazon UK. Use the latter if you are European - then you get the book cheaper and quicker. Otherwise, you may want to buy it at Amazon US.

At Amazon US: Murder, by Stefan Stenudd - at Amazon US.
At Amazon UK: Murder, by Stefan Stenudd - at Amazon UK.

Now also a Kindle ebook:
Murder - Kindle ebook

Occasionally I Contemplate Murder
by Stefan Stenudd 2006, 2011
Paperback, 124 pages
ISBN: 978-91-7894-050-9

More books by Stefan Stenudd

More about the writer

The same book in Swedish

My Fiction Books

All's End, science fiction novel by Stefan Stenudd.

All's End

Science fiction novel about a quest through the universe for a perfect world. Click the image to see the book at Amazon.

Occasionally I Contemplate Murder, by Stefan Stenudd.

Occasionally I Contemplate Murder

Thoughts on life, death, and the meaning of it all, explored by anecdotes and mythological fragments. Click the image to see the book at Amazon.