Occasionally I Contemplate Murder 7
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young friend of mine had another way of treating his life disrespectfully.
At the age of eighteen, he had a baby with his equally young girlfriend. He was mighty proud and fully prepared to dedicate the rest of his years to the well-being of this child.
It seems his girlfriend had other plans. She threw him out of their apartment, suddenly indifferent to his love and care.
A few weeks after that, the baby died.
That's when my friend lost his respect for life.
He spoke ironically, almost self-mockingly, about how sad his life had become, how impossible it was for him to feel happy. No hope. And he smiled while telling me.
How are you today? Just rotten, thank you.
Of course it bothered me, but the fact that he readily talked about it, made consoling him much more difficult than had he not. What to say to somebody who knows all too well what's wrong?
He drank some, hung around some, and nothing happened. Now and then, he made halfhearted approaches to girls his age, but soon retreated. He would not let life get a firm grip on him again, wouldn't let anything tempt him into a renewed enthusiasm.
He began mistreating his body in such a way that he stumbled around even when only mildly drunk. Never watching his step, not showing the least care for his own person.
He rapidly became what is called accident-prone. Soon enough, the accident arrived.
The apartment was three stories up. My young friend hit the ground - not hard enough to die, but enough to become severely crippled for the rest of his life. He can still show his broad grin, but not much more of the body obeys him.
Yet, he keeps on making jokes about it all.
Somehow, I get the feeling that he crippled his body to this extent, just to disable it as a tool for suicide, were he ever to succumb to that wish.
Yes, maybe that's it. Maybe he never seriously considered suicide, deep inside, but was so wary of the risk of one day reconsidering, this was his method of preventing it.
It's not happiness, I guess. Still, it works pretty well, so far.
It's a thing to pity. But to punish?
Of course it is. If we're all a Creator God's handicrafts, and He is our father, then we're killing children of His, even if it is ourselves.
To Him, it really makes no difference whose hand performs the stabbing - a life of His creation is taken.
By the same line of reasoning the body is not.
Therefore, strictly speaking, in so-called suicide, a stranger is forcing his will upon the innocent body, the God child, who has no say in it.
So, in the perspective of a Creator God, it is a murder, like any other.
I would appreciate His concern more, though, if He could be just a trifle preventive. That's no more than any other parent tries to be.
Oh, Mighty One - where are you when we really need you?
Coming to think of it - where are you?
How to get the bookIf you want to buy the book, you can do so at most international web based bookstores, such as Amazon and the like. Here are links to the book on Amazon US and Amazon UK. Use the latter if you are European - then you get the book cheaper and quicker. Otherwise, you may want to buy it at Amazon US.
Now also a Kindle ebook:
by Stefan Stenudd 2006, 2011
Paperback, 124 pages
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I'm a Swedish writer of fiction and non-fiction books in both Swedish and English. I'm also an artist, an historian of ideas and a 7 dan Aikikai Shihan aikido instructor. Click the header to read my full bio.